More Quality Encounters

As I was in the Wal-Mart of Sanford, NC, this evening, an elderly woman saw me looking in the candy aisle.

"Honey, all that candy will make you sweet." HUH?? I blurted. "Honey, all that candy will make you sweet." Wow, I had heard her correctly. A conservative estimate of her age was 75.

"Uh, it's actually not for me....but I'm sweet enough anyway." Holy crap, I just kind of flirted with a woman who probably lives in a retirement home.

However, she was only about 25 years older than my last lovely encounter with a woman, which was the day before while driving from Charlottesville to Sanford. I was pumping gas when one of the station employees saw my California license plate.

"Hey baby! You must be lost! You've had a long drive."
"Yeah, it was pretty far," I said, not wanting to explain the logistics of my living situation.
"Baby, do you even know where you are?"
"YOU'RE IN THE JUNGLE, BABY" would've been infinitely cooler than my response, which was "Uhhhhh....near Danville?"
"Baby, you're in Tight Squeeze."

I think the only scenario where "Baby, you're in Tight Squeeze" would be less sexy is in the candy aisle at Wal-Mart (with a septuagenarian).

I was buying the candy for the kids in the orphanage in Peru where Wynn works. I'll be flying there Tuesday, and I needed to make sure this gringo was packed with sweets.

FYI, if you're flying to Peru and your mother is terrified, don't tell her about the picture in the guidebook that shows a man on the street selling fake "TAXI" signs and insurance certificates to people who want to swindle tourists.